Undo the Heavy Burdens

I gave this sermon at my church, St. Olaf Lutheran Church in Fort Dodge,Iowa, in July of 2007. I was very proud of our pastor, David Grindberg, for asking me to do this, and of the people in the church for their openness to receive it.

God, May the meditations of our hearts and the words of our mouths by pleasing to you.

Many of you know I had a book published a few months ago. Pastor Dave was nice enough to put that in the bulletin and mention it from the pulpit back in May, and inform people they can buy it in the office here, and when I was walking out of church, I shook his hand and thanked him, and then he said, “Do you want to preach?”

And I said, “What???”

But then I thought about it and realized it might be God calling, because when God works, it is through people.

One of the things I have always valued about St. Olaf is the way the people here truly treasure the children of the church and work to make each one know how God also treasures them. We also extend this care to children who are not a part of St. Olaf’s church family, as evidenced by our missions to Nicaragua and other outreach programs. Because of our love for children, I ask you to join with me in facing a serious problem that unfortunately affects so many children, so many families, and ultimately, all of us.

Unless something changes, one of every four girls born today in the United States will be sexually abused before her 18th birthday. Over the course of her lifetime, she is more than twice as likely to be sexually abused as she is to develop breast cancer. For boys, the numbers are not much better: it’s estimated that one in six boys will also be sexually abused by the time they’re 18. Because so few cases are reported to police or other authorities, accurate numbers are hard to come by, and many experts in the field believe the true number of sexual abuse victims is even higher. And, of course, it’s not only children who are sexually abused, but adults even up into their 80s and 90s are victimized. Sexual abuse is a problem that affects people of all classes, colors, and creeds. The old adage that parents taught their children, don’t talk to strangers, is of little help, because 80 to 90% of children who are sexually abused, are abused by someone they know and trust, and the number is similar for adult victims.

While we can’t be sure how many people have suffered from sexual abuse, we do know a great deal about the consequences. The cost is heavy for victims, families and society at large. Sexual abuse victims are more prone to drug and alcohol abuse, suicide, depression and other mental illnesses. I know, for I have experienced some of these consequences myself. As many of you know, I “came out” as a sexual abuse survivor after my book Blind Faith was published last spring.

Abuse causes people to believe that they are damaged, that they are less than others. Sexual abuse in particular strikes at a person’s soul, leaving deep wounds, which, just like a wound in the flesh, will fester until treated. When I began to deal with the fact that I had been sexually abused as a child and again at age 20, I felt so contaminated that I truly believed that my family would be better off if I were not here- that the morally correct choice would be for me to leave them- one way or the other. Such feelings of shame and pain are common to sexual abuse survivors in our culture. A dear friend’s prayers gave me the strength to look for help, and I took the first steps on my road to healing.

But you can’t get help unless you can talk about it, and you can’t talk about it when society still so often does not want to hear. According to children’s rights advocate, attorney Marci Hamilton, “The last true frontier in civil rights in the United States is that of children’s rights. It is our country’s ugly secret that massive numbers of children are abused. Yet the law has been excruciatingly slow both in stopping ongoing abuse, and in deterring abuse before it happens,” she concluded.

All the stories in Scripture that tell how Jesus interacted with children show His gentle spirit and his great love. While his love extends to everyone, we also remember His words warning those who bring harm to the innocent. In Luke 17: 1-2, Jesus said, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”

What is the Christian response, then, to the problem of sexual abuse? We can all ask the Holy Spirit and listen for that small still voice within to lead us into the action that God would have us take. We all lead busy lives and there are many important issues begging for our attention, but if you feel led to action in this area, here are a few ways to help end the scourge of sexual abuse.
In many states, all citizens are mandatory reporters of child abuse. It troubled me deeply when I read a story in Newsweek magazine a few months ago about a neighbor of the man in Missouri who kidnapped and sexually assaulted two young boys. The neighbor had heard cries, screams and pleading for the man to stop, yet had done nothing. I think all citizens should be mandatory reporters of child abuse. We could also eliminate the statute of limitations for sexual abuse of children, for it often takes years for a child to feel safe enough to tell someone, and by then it’s too late to hold the offender accountable. Parents need to talk to their children, and even more importantly, we need to listen and BELIEVE them.

We can press for more funding for alcohol and drug treatment. Alcohol is a major factor in many child sex abuse cases, so funding treatment programs could go a long ways toward reducing the number of victims. Also, many victims turn to alcohol and illegal drugs to deal with their pain, so treatment for them may be a first step in healing. We can, and must, provide better mental health services.

I was one of the fortunate ones. When I became severely depressed, I had good insurance coverage and a loving, supportive husband that enabled me to receive all the help I needed, but for many people, mental health treatment is totally unavailable. Most sexual abuse victims need mental health services in order to recover, and we can work to make that available for everyone.
We can also provide a listening ear for those people in our lives who have been victimized. And we all have people in our lives who have been- maybe the woman in the next cubicle at work, the man you work with in a service organization, or the child in your Sunday school class. In Isaiah 58:6, God calls us “to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free.” It is not easy to hear about another’s abuse. It is painful for the listener—but how much more for those who have experienced it, and how isolating when they have no one to share their pain with. When we can truly listen to another person’s pain and enter into their suffering, we can indeed undo their heavy burden. When we can listen and allow them to fully express their pain, without asking a lot of questions or judging them, we do indeed loose the bonds of wickedness and set the oppressed free.

As Christians, we know we are saved by grace and that no one is beyond the reach of God’s love. As Christians, we must ask ourselves what our response should be to the offender. When I was struggling to deal with the fact that my father had sexually abused me when I was a small child, I also struggled with how God could have allowed it. We believe that God is our father, and that a father protects his children. One day I was praying and I said to God, “If I had seen somebody molesting one of my children, I would have stopped them. Why didn’t you?” And I heard the small still voice within reply. He said, “You were both my children.” Even those who commit the most heinous actions are still, to God, his beloved children.

Although we are saved by grace, it is not, as Lutheran theologian Dietrich Bonhoffer pointed out, a cheap grace. God is offended by sin, and so must we be. We can’t afford to let offenders off easy. We have to protect the children and provide justice to all who have been grievously wounded. But perhaps some in the church will be called to develop ways to effectively minister to those who are “least among us,” knowing that many people who sexually abuse others are, themselves, very damaged individuals, and knowing that they, too, have loved ones who need compassion. In Isaiah 42:3, we read that Jesus’ love is so tender and all encompassing that “a bruised reed He will not break.” We can ask God to help us emulate his love. I thank you for joining with me in reflecting on this difficult topic.

Every two minutes in the United States, someone is sexually abused. That means that in the time it took for me to deliver this sermon, five people were sexually abused. At least three of them were children. Would you please join me for a moment of silent prayer for all who suffer from abuse?

Dear Jesus, we ask that you change our hearts and minds so we can find solutions to the problem of sexual abuse. We ask your healing for all who have been wounded, in your mighty name. Amen.